Poor Me, Poor Me, Poor Me Another!

Has anybody noticed that nobody is responsible for anything in Housewife Land anymore? Nobody is guilty of anything, they are all just blameless victims.  Everybody is about positivity and light and family and friends and food and love.  When things go wrong, it’s the result of some sinister and anonymous force, a disrespectful family member, a disloyal friend, a corrupt system, or, of course, me. Now that they don’t have Kim G to kick around anymore, the Housewives are bending their personal codes of conduct into pretzels in order to rationalize their bad behavior, which has led to come pretty interesting commandments being uttered from the burning bushes of RHONJ. Here’s are some words to remember from this week’s parables from the Martyred Saints of Franklin Lakes, or rather, Franklin Lakes, Montville, Paterson, and Towaco.

See?  You just have to lie.

A judge finds that Joe fraudulently signed his partners name to a 260k debt, which means that the judgement against Teresa and Joe can’t be discharged by their bankruptcy, which is not, by the way, behind them, but still pending trial about whether or not the entire 11 mil will be discharged. The lesson Teresa takes away from all of this, because of course, she and joe are saints, is not don’t forge your business partner’s signature without their permission, but rather, don’t tell the truth, because a court might conclude that you’re guilty and take away your shoe collection.

Time to be the bigger person Ashley

First of all, Ashley is the child, Jacqueline is the mom, so why does the child have to be the bigger person in any situation?  Is this in fact even possible?  These timeless words from Ashley’s stepmom ring even more hollow in light of the fact that she and Ashley’s dear old dad Matt, who also has some real gems to impart like “I don’t get the anger. She’s just disrespectful I’ve never seen anything like it” were just arrested in June for allegedly burning down three rooms in their house and then spending the money on plastic surgery procedures and a forty thousand dollar diamond ring.  I think I’m starting to understand where some of Ashley’s anger is coming from.

I think you should go to California where you have no family, no anybody, and figure out what life’s about.

Ouch!  Thanks mother, may I have another? And here’s another pearl from the sobbing St. Jacqueline of the public restroo

One day she’s finally gonna get it, and do everything right and then she’s gonna move away and then go and live there happily ever after.  What was I even there for?”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t moms supposed to WANT their daughters to stretch their wings, and fly and live happily ever after? I guess not if it means that you can’t do any more scenes about your unappreciative, angry, disrespectful and ungrateful child.

A lot of my Jewish friends said why don’t you divorce him, I would’a divorced him in a second.

Teresa has Jewish friends?

That therapy stuff is so politically correct

Right.  So Lauren, who runs a make up counter in a beauty parlor in Franklin Lakes,  New Jersey knows more about how to deal with a troubled teen and a fractured mom/daughter relationship better than a qualified therapist. Like mother like daughter!

For more Kim G. please visit my website at www.kimghappens.com.